its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
