did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
