where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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