Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
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