u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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