mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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