Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
