ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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