dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
