I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize