I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
