Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I will pee on everything he values.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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