new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
