All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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