so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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