Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize