Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
sarcasm needs its own font
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
