when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
