What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
