if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
