My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
