what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
