Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
