So drunk its hurt
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
