Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
