Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
