I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
