So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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