just come out here and I will go home with you...
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
