my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
