Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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