there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
