i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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