i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Randomize
