Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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