I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
