4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
