Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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