we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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