Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
