You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
