Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I want a musical about memes.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
