i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I didn't notice because vodka
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
