Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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