I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
