Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize