Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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