he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
