someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
