Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
