I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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