dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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