Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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