We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
