The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
