Buhtt sex?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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