His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
