Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
