kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
How's work?
Spinning.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
