Umm I'm too high to move.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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