Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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