Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
