Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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