Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
