i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
