I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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