If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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