I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
