UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
